This video wasn't supposed to be so sad, when I was planning it earlier in the week. But at the same time, it wasnt so joyous and happy. I hope its clear that, while this is the beginning of my new venture, my brand is just gonna be being a dorky funny video game/movie/tv guy on the internet like so many of those people that have inspired me. 🫶
Abuse is a cathartic thing to realize you're facing after 28 years of your, albeit sometimes difficult, generally fulfilling life. I mean, and for the record this is all theoretical, you may have some sort of moral feeling obligation to the person that does the abuse to you. The abuser may have other enablers that cause the abuse to continue despite the fact that the average adult should learn from their actions and move on and grow. These enablers may do an improvisation riff with your abuser on how overweight you are to subtly attempt to get you to lose weight. Your abuser might randomly say you're one of their "weird looking kids" when you're out in public and they're talking to their friends. Your abuser could teach you the very concept of "walking on eggshells" to explain how you're being sensitive for hearing you drew something 'shitty' when you were 12 after you'd already decided you were proud of it. This concept of sensitivity was taught young enough by the abuser, who at one point could have been misconstrued as a prominent figure due to the aspect of familial unconditional love. You being this sensitive to criticism from loved ones at a young age and then being taught to avoid it might create difficulties in friendships with people that actually have real love in their heart for you. This one difficulty might give you attachment issues. Attachment issues you fixate on forever instead of providing yourself with self worth. Your abuser could not get you help with your neurodovergency at a young age besides showing signs, like struggling to get through anyday without reinforcement. Your abuser could still have a lack of responsibility for helping you with your mental health struggles due to this difficulty in understanding your own mind. Your attachment issues could cause you to continue feel sensitive on your own. Which in turn enables your abuser. You may also continue enabling your abuser by teaching them that there are no errors of their ways (ie: a "second chance"). A second chance could have been given seven too many times due to the unconditional love for the abuser in your heart. Your abuser could explain your sensitivity is how this means you're a deeply flawed individual and they'll get you therapeutic help that was the first time you'd ever felt heard in your life. The therapy sessions involving your abuser may, however, be repressed. If only to remind you that reinforcement of the fact that therapy is often supposed to be pleasant, and not a mediated argument where your abuser believes they have the right to scream at you when they are upset. Your abuser may blame you for them not currently being in therapy, as you're not the one helping them enough, now that you've grown up. You may go to therapy enough to recognize your personal struggles, and yet your abuser suggests that he never likes their therapists because they always have a disagreement with them. Your abuser may often have disagreements with these therapists after you personally tell these professionals about the struggles in the relationship with your abuser.
Your abuser could have a tendency to play the victim card despite them only owning a bootleg. Your abuser could have gotten these bootlegs from their enabler.
This enabler could often take it personally and blame others for healthy actions. Such as cutting her and the abuser out of her life. The enabler may be immensely upset at the idea of you standing up to defend this possible other person.
Your abuser might be the reason your mother feels safe several states away despite having all the kindness and love in her heart for her less than perfect but still easily lovable children.
Your abuser could not notice how often you've created a mask to walk on eggshells around them. The more confident you get, you realize that at the core fiber of your being you were never sensitive, you were hurt deeply by the abuser, and scared. The power of the metaphoric irony might make your personal creative writing essay have a great title.
Your abuser could say "you're so confused" when you're the most confident you've ever been in your life. Your abuser could shake their head and make a stupid face when you quit your job that was hurting you despite every colleague respecting you as an individual enough to help you figure out what you need for life to make sense. Your abuser might often say you don't understand how the world works as they, naturally, are older than you.
Despite your time spent in behavioral therapy, and your unconditional love for the abuser due to preconceived notions, your abuser may not have the ability to listen when they are being told objective facts.
Your abuser could find your new confidence confusing and take it personally, as they've done everything they can in their power to put you down. Your abuser could have started treating you even worse recently, now that he often compares you to your mother. The abuser could insist over and over that it's you who are the childish one in their equation they made poorly in their head, as they never even went to college. The abuser could take personal offense to your stance on generative AI despite the fact that its natural to be dismissive of it as an aspiring writer. The abuser could take your passionate defense of why they shouldn't use AI as you personally "having an active imagination" and "knowing very little about the real world".
Your abuser could pretend to be concerned about your lungs due to your smoking habits, despite being a core influence on that coping skill. Your abuser could possibly put you in a chokehold for having a constructive, witty comment about his unfairness, after you've finally realized that this has been a fool's errand for three decades. Your abuser could be simple minded enough to fail to see the irony.
Again, this is all merely theoretical. I have an active imagination, after all.
If you enjoyed this piece, please consider supporting me at ko-fi.com/eileenbrady. I'm currently unhoused and it would help me out a lot.
